Sorry, I’ll Try To Be Funnier

Laughter keeps me sane, so why does everyone look at me like I’m nuts.

Speaking of nuts, the Sciurus Carolinensis or gray squirrel can be traced back over 50 million years in history. Of course, back then they were 65 feet tall and reptilian. They were call squirrelysaurs and they ate 3 tons of nuts a day and the occasional caveman that got in the way.

Squirrels are much more adapted to coexistence with humans in present times.  They have learned to accept hand outs and rummage through discard food scraps to supplement their diet of nuts. They make their habitat in urban, as well as rural areas.

Despite the seemingly carefree life of squirrels though, a disturbing trend in squirrel suicide rates continues as the pressure of gathering nuts for the winter sometimes becomes too much for some of them and they run into the path of a truck. This is a sad reality, since most squirrels never have the opportunity to seek professional help, blame their parents, or appear on Oprah or Dr. Phil.

The future does hold great promise for squirrels though. After mankind kills itself off with the whole “going green” hoax, they will pretty much be able to take over as the predominant species on the planet. Granted, jobs for squirrels  will be hard to find without gum, beer and car insurance commercials for them to star in.  They will have to revert back to gathering nuts and smuggling drugs for beavers and raccoons.  But after 50 million years on the planet, one thing for certain is squirrels know how to survive.

P.R. Knuhob